Jayne Whyte's Portfolio

Having a baby is an amazing life changing experience. The arrival of a baby is a good thing but no matter how in love you are with your bundle of joy, caring for your new one could bring so much stress to your sex life.Just like me, most women are told by their Gy/Ob to resume sex between four to six weeks after delivery….at that time the woman should no longer have the vaginal discharge (Lochia), whether the woman has had a vaginal or c-section delivery.

Almost all women complain of tiredness when it comes to their sex life at this time because the baby wakes up hourly to breast feed….and this can go on for months. In my own case, Isy started sleeping all through the night when he was two years plus…..not to be breastfed, he would just want his water!

And guess what! men are and will always be interested in sex, tired or not. I’m guessing that it’s just a way to feel emotionally close to the woman and also a way to relax. For men sex can be spontaneous, not planned can happen any time, anywhere and anyday but a woman needs to be aroused, touched, relaxed and pampered…if she’s forced to have sex when she’s not ‘ready’ then it can be said to be rape (‘Marital rape’ -another topic for another day)



So now, if tiredness, fatigue is stopping you from getting your groove on…having sex with your partner, please talk it out with him. share creative ideas….it could be having sex in the mornings when everyone (including the baby) must have slept for a while. talking and sharing also helps you to rely on yourselves…since both of you are in this together…..it takes two to make a baby right?

The hormone- Estrogen goes down after delivery and this can cause vaginal dryness…and once a woman’s vagina is dry, sex isn’t fun; more painful and less pleasurable. ask your doctor for a good lubricant to ease the dryness and usually dryness reduces after breastfeeding.

There are also cases where a woman does not feel sexy but feels depressed because of body weight gain, excess skin, new scar, stretch marks and so on and this thoughts reduces the urge to resume sex after delivery. Having  your partner talk with you about your fears might help and also helping you to exercise and keep healthy. 

Also, when a woman delivers her baby vaginally, the vagina is stretched. sometimes it comes back to shape and sometimes it may never. 
to tone it back to shape try some Kegel exercise. It helps to tone down the muscles

I would want to emphasize here that even without intent of having sex, it is very important to pleasure each other, kiss, hug, hold hands, cuddle, or give a relaxing foot rub. This will help to reduce tension and motivate you to want to have sex. I encourage couples to do this, it really helps.

And lastly it is not about ‘how many times you have sex’ but it is about ‘how unhappy you are when you are not having sex’. If one partner feels bad about not having sex then it is a problem and needs to be addressed because it creates vulnerability in the relationship but if both partners are happy that they are not having sex as much, then it’s okay.

What do you think?